I never fucking use profanity; not even in my fucking stories, let alone in my fucking everyday life. But I am certain that there are some noble souls out there who take pride in using it and they use it extensively. That splendid word ‘Fuck’ appears in every fucking sentence they speak. They may not know how to use the words ‘joie de vivre’ or ‘bon vivant,’ but they definitely know how to use the word ‘Fuck’ in every aspect of their dialects. There was a time when the word ‘Shit’ was very popular, but now that word has been replaced by ‘Fuck.’ I wonder which word will replace this in the future (my imagination is already running wild). Well, there was also a time when we used to raise our fucking eyebrows upon hearing this word used by someone, but now we raise our eyebrows if one doesn’t use it. Ah, such a fucking irony!
A few days ago I was going through my eclectic collection of mp3s and I stumbled upon a small audio file titled ‘Osho.’ Some wonderful soul had e-mailed this file a long time ago, but unfortunately I neither had the patience, nor the time to listen to some rambling talks of some philosophical guru. After much debating with myself, I finally scrounged up some courage and decided to listen to it anyway. And when I did, I was fucking surprised. I wondered why I didn’t listen to it all these days. It was surely an eye opener. Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh aka Osho (1931-1990) seems to have done an extensive research on the word ‘Fuck.’ The audio clip was just over 5 minutes and here I am posting the exact words said by Osho. Over to Osho:
It is one of the most beautiful words. English language should be proud of it. I don’t think any other language has any such beautiful word. One of the most interesting words in English language today is the word ‘Fuck.’ It is one magical word, just by its sound; it can describe pain, pleasure, hate and love. In language, it falls into many grammatical categories. It can be used as a verb, both transitive and intransitive.
Transitive: John fucked Mary.
Intransitive: Mary was fucked by John.
As a noun: Mary is a fine fuck.
As an adjective: Mary is fucking beautiful.
As you can see there are not many words with the versatility of ‘Fuck.’ Besides the actual meaning, there are also the following uses.
Fraud: I got fucked at the used car lots.
Ignorance: Fucked, if I know.
Trouble: I guess I am fucked now.
Aggression: Fuck you!
Displeasure: What the fuck is going on here?
Difficulty: I can’t understand this fucking job.
Incompetence: He is a fuck off.
Suspicion: What the fuck are you doing?
Enjoyment: I had a fucking time.
Request: Get the fuck out of here.
Hostility: I am going to knock your fucking head off.
Greeting: How the fuck are you?
Apathy: Who gives a fuck!
Innovation: Get a bigger fucking hammer.
Surprise: Fuck! You scared the shit out of me.
Anxiety: Today is really fucked.
This was it! He then goes on to say that repeating the mantra “Fuck you!” 5 times soon after getting up in the morning clears your throat. How fucking cool is that! This audio clip and my own personal experiences with so many fucking uncultured and uncivilized people who use this beautiful word all the time really inspired me to find out more about it. So, I started digging, and eventually I found out some fucking etymological facts which I am posting here. I found 3 stories related to ‘Fuck’s’ discovery. But which one is true? You shall have to figure it out for yourselves.
1. In ancient England a person could not have sex unless he had the consent of the King (or unless he was in the Royal Family). When people wanted to have a baby, they first had to get the consent of the King; the King then gave them a placard that they hung on their door while having sex. The placard had F.U.C.K. (Fornication Under the Consent of the King) written on it.
2. F.U.C.K. originated in the 1800s in London, when someone would be punished for prostitution. It was an acronym for the words, “For Unlawful Carnal Knowledge.” These words were written on the cells that held these criminals. Some time later the officers got sick and tired of writing these words, so they abbreviated to F.U.C.K. Later on they just started writing FUCK (without full stops).
Now, the third story is pretty interesting. Besides the etymological theory, it also explains the origin of the usage of middle finger. Read on.
3. Before the Battle of Agincourt in 1415, the French, anticipating victory over the English, proposed to cut off the middle finger of all captured English soldiers. Without the middle finger, it would be impossible to draw the renowned English longbow; and therefore, they would be incapable of fighting in the future. This famous English longbow was made of the native English Yew tree, and the act of drawing the longbow was known as 'plucking the yew' (or 'pluck yew'). Much to the bewilderment of the French, the English won a major upset and began mocking the French by waving their middle fingers at the defeated French, saying, “See, we can still pluck yew!” Since 'pluck yew' is rather difficult to say, the difficult consonant cluster at the beginning has gradually changed to a labiodental’s fricative F', and thus the words often used in conjunction with the one finger salute. It is also because of the pheasant feathers on the arrows used with the longbow that the symbolic gesture is known as ‘giving the bird.’ As the centuries passed by ‘yew’ became ‘you’ since both are pronounced in the same way. So, fuck you!
These are the three stories behind the discovery of ‘FUCK.’ So, what do you think? Did your knowledge base expand? Good for you! Congratu-fucking-lations! Now you know that ‘FUCK’ is not just a word, but it is a fascinating subject to be studied and researched. Some amazing people like Bruce Willis, Quentin Tarantino, Guy Ritchie, Tupac Shakur, Eminem, 50 Cent and many more have contributed a lot to this subject and we, their fucking disciples, should follow their foot steps and never fucking let them down.
Maybe someday in the future, children at school shall learn Eminem’s lyrics instead of William Butler Yeats’s poems. Maybe someday, teachers might say to their students, “Why the fuck haven’t you done your homework?” to which the students might answer, “Because, I was fucking out of station.”
Dear folks, it’s time that we start introspecting. Do we really want to set these kinds of examples to our younger generation? Do we really want some 10 yr old kid to say to us, “Fuck you, oldie! Can’t you just mind your own fucking business?”
Well, I didn’t think so. So, come on, all of you. Let’s swear on Oxford, Merriam-Webster and Collins that we shall never fucking use profanity.
Luv,
Aslam (:
SWINE FLU......now would someone plz tell this child to wear a MASK the next time he kisses that pig??The last week or so has been very relaxing....believe me....though i feel bad about the people getting this disease and would prefer to stay away from them...being at home and doing nothing still plays roughly on your mind...
A guY with wild imaginations...
